Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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