im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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