Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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