I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
