How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
