Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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