I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
