Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
