Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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