Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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