The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
