I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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