Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize