Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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