Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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