Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
