Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
