he shaved USA in his pubs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize