they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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