I faked an abortion last night.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
