the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize