She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
