I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
