1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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