we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
