How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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