Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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