You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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