Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
