but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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