He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your penis caused this!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize