Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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