It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
