I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
