I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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