i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
