im drinking this country out of the recession.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
