dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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