So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
