So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
