i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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