if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
