Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
