he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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