the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
