So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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