I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
