No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
