Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize