Do vagina's smell?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
