Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
