the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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