i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
