Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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