I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
