you would pick up someone in the library
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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