I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
