Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
