I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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