where am i from again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
