True but thats because hes a fetus.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
