He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
