I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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