Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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