I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
