That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
