your parents love me but you hate me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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