Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im holly from the hills drunk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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