I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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