Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
