I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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