i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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