I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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