i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
