she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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