I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
